What I've learned

Kaleidoscope

acrylic and collage on canvas

Its almost been a year since we left New York, can you believe it? I know that its still hard for me to understand that 11 whole months have passed and as I enter the season in which we spent our last month there, with all of the goodbyes and the leaving that we did, I can't help but reflect on how much I have learned in the past year. When we left Brooklyn I thought that the move was such an excruciating, heart wrenching, experience that we would move through and once we were settled in a new place, that life would get back to normal and we'd go on much as before... but really I had no idea that our move would be just the start of continuing huge changes for us.

I see now that the difficulty of the move prepared me for what was and is to come, living through our move showed me that you can leave all of your friends, the place that you have lived for 15 years, the home that you renovated lovingly where you birthed your children, you can leave all of the places you know and everything is going to be OK.

This passed year has also taught me that,

You can move your family to a new home, new city, new place that you have only visited two times. You can make a life changing choice for your family, act on it and move to this place 800 miles away that you just felt was the right fit, going on faith, and everything is going to be OK.

You can meet new people, make new friends, stretch outside of your comfort zone and everything is going to be OK.

You can find out that you are pregnant for the 4th time, something that you feared because you did not know if you could handle the changes that it would bring to your family and yourself, and realize that everything is going to be OK.

You can have your health insurance company decide that your pregnancy is a pre-existing condition and review whether they will continue to insure your family, including your children, and everything is going to be OK.

Your father can be diagnosed with a dreaded degenerative disease, and everything, no matter what the future holds with this, is going to be OK.

Your parents can announce to you that they are moving to the same city that you just moved to, after you have not lived close to them for the past 20 years, and everything is going to be OK.

Your family of origin can implode. Issues that have been dormant for 30 years or more can come up, you can have a falling out with your brother's wife and stop talking to your brother, one of the most dear people in the world to you, and everything is going to be OK.

You can begin to have high blood pressure for the first time in any of your pregnancies, threatening your choice to birth at home, and everything is going to be OK.

Your dear cousin and his wife can loose their baby, a child that you had hoped would grow up with your new baby, and through the sadness, everything is going to be OK.

Your computer and your phone can break separately in the same day (this happened to me a couple of days ago!) and everything is going to be OK.

Everything really is going to be OK, and not in a "lets just ignore all of this way", no not at all. What I have really learned this year is that I can dwell within all of these things, I can be present within the discomfort, I can feel the sadness, the anger, the confusion, and I can still wake up every morning and greet myself. I can say thank you for my precious human life. I can know that as long as I am right in my heart with my small family, my husband and my kids, everything is going to be OK. I can say that even without knowing what that means, because one thing that I keep learning again and again is that I can not know or control the future.

I can pray, I can rejoice, I can revel in the beauty that is all around me. I can exercise, and sweat, and practice Yoga, and eat nourishing foods, and feel how all of this helps my body to get through all of the things that I can't control around me. Each day I can do what I can, to relax, to speak calmly to my children and to forgive myself when I am rushed and impatient.

Each day I can start anew, because each day feels holy. Each day feels like a blessing. Each day we must be gentle with each other because everyone is walking a hard road. Each day, everything is going to be OK.

Guest Post on Mindful Parenting

My kids and I love taking silly photos, don't you? Sometimes those are my favorites to go back and look at as they capture a moment that maybe wasn't special otherwise, but became special as we recognized that we shared the moment together.

Today I am honored and excited to be featured as a guest over on the blog Mum in Search, where the lovely Tat, mum of 2 (soon to be 3) explores all topics related to parenting, creativity and self discovery.

Tat and I met during the Intuitive Heart E-Course offered by my dear friend Lauren earlier this year. Lauren asked me to make a video for the course talking about the many ways that I incorporate meditation into my life on a daily basis to help myself practice mindful parenting.

Today over on Mum in Search I've written about a few of those tips that I find most helpful in keeping myself mindful in my daily life especially life as a parent of young children. You can come on over and read it all here.

xo

Magic Hour

The other day I managed to get to the beach for my morning walk extra early, I was the only one there and it was a super low tide so the beach was wide, quiet and glowing with golden light.

That one magic hour made my soul sing all day.

Wishing you a beautiful start to your week!

xo

 "When anxious, uneasy and bad thoughts come, I go to the sea, and the sea drowns them out with its great wide sounds, cleanses me with its noise, and imposes a rhythm upon everything in me that is bewildered and confused."
- Rainer Maria Rilke

Looking back Slowly

Happy New Year friends!

I am SLOWLY stepping into 2012 and finding the energy that I have needed to get back into the grove of our normal schedule after holiday break was enough to keep me on my toes this past week.

Our whirlwind of a holiday tour, that in only two weeks took us to Philadelphia, New York City and Washington DC, ended last weekend with our arrival at home in Charleston after a 13 hour drive just before New Years.

It has taken me this past week to process all that we did, there were so many lovely times with friends and family, and to take in the fact that it is now 2012!

Here's a quick holiday re-cap of our trip,

While we've been loving our warmer southern winter so far, it was fun to take some hikes in the woods of the cold north while we were there,

we enjoyed every second of our time with my brother's family visiting from England, their little girl is almost two and just as cute as can be!

We shared delicious holiday meals with family including this highlight, a traditional English holiday Triffle prepared by my sister-in-law,

Being all together in my parents big, beautiful old house that I grew up in was so fun!

We arrived back at home just in time for some was 70 degree weather and were able to enjoy New Years Day on the beach, the kids were even in bathing suits for splashing around although the water is cold now.

At the beginning of each year I like to reflect back on where I was at this time the year before. 2011 was such a huge year for us that I know I'll be processing all of the changes that it held for some time, and really it feels like it was many years wrapped up into one as in many ways we actualized many long held dreams in 2011. 

At this time last year we were knee (thigh?) deep in snow, I announced our move and we finally completed the renovation of our Brooklyn brownstone and started staging it to get it ready for sale. At the end of February we visited Charleston, where we were blessed within a week to find our dream house along with great schools for the kids, and went into contract for the sale of our house in Brooklyn, all within one week (seriously one of the craziest weeks of our entire lives). That time last year really felt like a whirlwind. 

The next few months were bitter sweet as we prepared to leave our home and city of 15 years, we packed up, said goodbye to friends and spent days celebrating all that we loved in Brooklyn.

Even thinking about that time of leaving, and looking at the posts that I wrote last spring get me choked up, it was such a time of transition, of knowingly letting go, of leaving.

At the end of May we made our big move, leaving NYC for Charleston.

We spent the summer adjusting to, exploring, finding new favorite spots and beauty close to our new home.

We spent our annual time at my family's farm (that we live only 4 hours from now!) in both the summer and the fall. We bought another VW camper van, woohoo! Renovated our back yard and Frank built the coolest tree house.

We had a couple of new furry additions in September.

Made new friends and celebrated with a pirate birthday party. Visited Disney with old friends, spent holidays with family near and far, did lots of crafting, made a bunch of paintings, and made our holiday whirlwind northern tour. Whew, so much to take in and process.

As I start this new year I am beginning by struggling to make room for something new and unexpected in my life. I am embracing something that I thought I was letting go of and taking what feels like a huge leap of faith. I'll share more about this when the time feels right.

Wishing you many blessings and light ahead in 2012.

xo

Crossroads

This summer I feel like I've been unusually quiet here on my blog, and not for lack of things to write about. No, there have been lots of adventures to write about, but probably more quiet times than I can remember in quite a while too. More times where I've felt that I needed to be more the hermit than the extrovert, more times where I have needed to simply sit and digest.
In fact, after leaving our life in NYC, leaving our whole life there and moving here, I think that one of the hardest things for me to get used to was the quiet. Once we settled in at the beginning of this summer, I don't think our home phone rang for months. Almost everyone that we knew, or could run into, lived far away, and so began a long summer of learning how to live in Charleston. It has been fantastic in so many ways, Frank has loved this new beginning, the kids have been thrilled to make new friends, and I have been drinking in the natural beauty and sunshine that we are surrounded by here in our new life.
The hardest thing for me is just feeling so constantly "out of my skin", I keep looking for a comfortable place, like a dog turning around and around to find the perfect spot to settle in.

And suddenly, without warning, I feel like I am at a bit of a crossroads. I can't even pinpoint the day but recently I noticed that I no longer feel so uncomfortable. Inside I feel myself relaxing, places that were tense are easing up.

All summer long I have taken a break from making my work, in past times of great stress I know that I have been unable to paint, so I knew that would happen this time as well. I prepared myself for this break. During my flurry of new paintings this spring and as I was packing up my studio I wondered how long the break would be. We moved and then settled into this time of integration. All summer I've felt myself processing, integrating the new and old, the leaving and the meeting, opening up and debriefing in a beautiful stillness. All while looking forward to beginning to work again, and finally, yes finally, I feel my creative process slowly coming on again.....I've begun envisioning paintings, ideas are germinating. I can't tell you how good it feels!

During this summer of stillness Danielle LaPorte's post on productive rest came at the perfect resonant time for me. The quiet, in between, times are still ones that I struggle with, but after this summer I feel more familiar with those places inside myself, more able to sit and be calm with them.

Painting of the week: Unfurling

Unfurling

Even though we had what I hope is our last snow of the season today I can feel it, spring fever is setting into my soul. Getting my hands into the dirt to plant last weekend awakened my hibernating spring self, now I'm wanting to wake up to sunshine and sandals each day!
All of that for now is being channeled into the studio where it manifested in this new painting about waking up, taking a deep stretch, and unfurling into all of the potential with in.


As we have been unfurling into our new selves, the ones who are moving from Brooklyn in less than 2 months, I've felt myself needing more times in which I can be deeply pensive. Also, there is a heaviness that I know many of us have been feeling for Japan recently. I have been isolating myself from much of the news coverage, but I have seen enough to haunt me. Following the tsunami just after Christmas in 2006, I remember feeling similarly helpless and deeply saddened, imagining my own children being torn away from me in a wave of water as I had heard interviews with parents who had lived that nightmare. The horror that people in Japan are living right now is too much to bear.
Besides donating to the Red Cross I also came across this site, The 1000 birds Project, which was just begun by a Japanese artist and blogger living in England. She is making 1000 ceramic (and cute!) birds that she will sell online, donating all proceeds to the relief effort in Japan. I'm looking forward to getting a few when her online shop is set up, which should be any day now.

Date night

 When Jasper was a baby, and before we had Carys, Frank and I had a regular date night set up with our babysitter. We'd sit down with her, and pencil in every other Saturday night for months in advance on our calendars. Those dates were our time that we looked forward to as a couple to be out alone together, to remember who we were as two people and not just two parents! All of you parents know what I mean right? This night was so precious to us as a couple. Then our trusted babysitter moved away, and we had another baby, and well... date night fell to the wayside.
Now it has been a few years, and recently a woman at our church was looking for babysitting work, and it turns out that both of our kids loooove her. So, we've set up "date night" again, its all pencilled into the calendar and everything, through June. I can hardly believe it!
Last week was our first one, Frank and I just went down the street to the local cozy Pub on our corner,

where we grabbed a table, ordered food and chatted for hours.

The gift of time alone together was precious, and much needed, especially as it feels like we've been cooped up inside as a family for weeks with the winter weather. I'm so looking forward to all of the date nights that we have ahead of us on the calendar, where we can talk and dream together about all of the exciting changes and dreams that we are actualizing this year!

Tranquility

Tranquility

"The life of man in every part has need of harmony and rhythm." -Plato

I've just added prints of this new painting to my shop. It is inspired by springtime breezes, long days outside and the anticipation of the light heart that only the freedom of summer time brings!
Wishing you a little TRANQUILITY on this Monday morning.

The Book Nook

We've been retreating to a magical place...

Where exotic horses keep watch,Dream boats sail on the wind,and through the window you can see far and wide.Welcome to our Book Nook, a place where we've spent quite a bit of time over this past winter. We converted the unused top bunk of Jasper's bed into a cozy den of cushions and blankets to snuggle and read in. We've been back there lately as the past few days have been gray, cold and rainy...visiting magic gardens,

and fairy lands.

After my big weekend with the craft fair last Saturday, I have needed some time to re-group. One thing that I realize every time that I do a fair is that it is so physically exhausting! Talking to people all day...like the lovely people who come by my table at a fair, totally exhausts me while it is fun at the same time. I think much of the problem is on my end, I get so caught up in the whirlwind of it all that I forget to give my self breaks to get up, walk around and have a bite to eat. I am reminded of how I felt when I used to teach art, I'd be just totally exhausted at the end of the day from being so "on" as the art teacher, using all of my energy to excite the kids about the projects that I was doing with them. I have also heard a theory that some people get energy from being around and talking with lots of other people, while some people are drained of energy in that same situation.
I think I must fall somewhere in the middle, but I'm sure glad that I got to have this cozy little break.

Grow

Grow

There has been lots of brainstorming going on in our family lately, lots of reaching for the stars and discussing our ideal life. Frank and I have been knee deep in this sort of talk, which is definitely exciting, but not all together relaxing and calming. It feels really appropriate that I finished this new painting, Grow, just before we left for Florida...as I feel like that's what we were able to do a lot of on our trip. GROWING our dreams, bigger and with more clarity (there is my word for the year again) has been our huge topic of focus as a couple for a while now. A great catalyst for this has been taking the Together e-course, over at Creative Thursday that we started in January . The class is now sadly over but our discussions and breakthroughs that were facilitated by the course have just begun for us. More than ever we are focussing on our desire to both create our art for a living, and the changes in our lifestyle that need to happen to make that a reality!
We've got some big plans, but before I share that, I realised in Florida how much I need to slow down. The effects of stress, and it's wear on my body, started to show themselves in the week before our trip. To the point where I can not ignore them any more. So now that we are home there are some big changes....the biggest and most extreme one is that I have given up caffeine.
As a mama who really enjoys her cups of coffee this is a tough one, but already I feel more in control physically, and I can already sense that my body really needed this change. As I sit here sipping my new found drink, decaf Chai with foamed rice milk (yum!), it doesn't feel so bad, but talk to me at 3PM and we'll see how its going. I am still in the transition with that.
I have also started to take time to stretch my body, knowing how much my body longs for the old days when I could do hours of Yoga, and to take brisk walks again. It all feels so good. It comes down to the simple truth that I have been pushing myself too hard and I just can't keep going and going with out focusing on self care.

Happily we had a few little friends to greet us on our return to Brooklyn, all of these sprouting wonders in our backyard! The Crocuses, Daffodils and Hostas are are all starting to peek their way through. With the amazing warm weather that we are having here in NYC is feels like spring will actually arrive. I am ready, oh so ready. Let the growing begin!

Shifting

One of the biggest gifts of my time away was mental space. As I was able to step away from my daily responsibilities I was able to more truly see my life, to have perspective on what's really working and what's not, both as I go about my day to day and also within the larger scope of where I am going. As if I had been looking at my life through a pin hole camera and then pulled back to suddenly see the world around me.

As I had time to sit with this and really focus, I began to feel an energy shift. There under the sun in California. I can put it most simply like this, I feel myself opening up to what really is serving me, and working, within my life. I have also been seeing the things in my life that I had hoped for a long time would serve me, but that in actuality do not. Most importantly I am starting to take a deep look at the areas in which there are things that have really never served me, that I have tried and tried to make work but that I have let stick around for a long time.

One of my huge catalysts for all of this self reflection is that right now I am in the middle of taking a wonderful e-course called Together in which the teachers present ideas about accessing your creative potential. While I was away I lounged in my friend's dreamy backyard (in the photos above) and re-listened to all of the podcasts from the course so far. What I have really been sitting with in this course is this idea that in order to live and work with clarity first we must do some clearing...both mentally and physically. This physical clearing or purging of things that could be holding you back, things with negative energy from your past, things that are not in sinc with who you are becoming, will leave space in your life. That space gives breathing room to think, along with room for something else, something better, to come in. For me that is the space in which I can step away from the pin-hole camera and finally take in the universe all around.

I gave my husband Frank this e-course for Christmas so we have been taking it together, and really it has been the ideal way to start our year. Taking time to sit and think together, looking towards a common horizon...our future goals.

The fresh perspective that I have gained with all of these things is a treasure that will serve me as I approach 2010, where already my word for the year, Clarity, seems to be seeping into every corner.

With everything moving so fast each day, I'm so glad that I was able to slow down and see things as they really are for a moment.

Those days

I'm afraid that I'm having one of those days. You know the ones, where your head feels foggy and your thoughts seem all crossed, you can't figure out which project to start first and everything just seems muddled. Perhaps it is because Carys woke up at 4:30AM? Or maybe it was those scary dreams that I had last night? Could it be because we are getting ready to travel tomorrow?

I'd say all of the above.

Days like this make me feel like I'm trapped inside a bubble, bouncing against the walls, feeling frustrated that I can't do more or be more.

It is on days like this that I need to be really gentle with myself.

The way that I feel is reminding me of the butterflies in this new drawing, flitting around. Then there is that one dripping with color, she knows what's up! She knows that even on those days there is power. She can still choose to be in the moment. She can still choose to live boldly. Yes, even on those days.

Catching our breath

This past weekend was the first in a while where we felt like we could actually catch our breath, relish the moment and enjoy feeling the luxury of a whole Saturday without any plans on the horizon. First, I went into a bit of a cleaning and organizing frenzy, but once that was over I felt myself relaxing and living in each moment.
Some of my favorites were......playing with gorgeous fabrics that my mom is making into amazing dresses for my little princess (and one pair of pants for my little prince in that folded Japanese wave print!),

...suddenly seeing the light coming through the back of a painting in the studio,

....putting a new table cloth on our kitchen table (I got it here), and loving how it refreshes our space and goes so well with my cute bird tray,

...my bare toes on a friend's rug,

....and just taking some time to look up at the sky.

an invitation

After enlightenment, the laundry.
~Zen proverb

This past week has felt a lot like this wise quote to me. The highs of enlightenment tempered by the mundane of doing laundry and keeping house. It seemed that each time I was close, oh so close, to have a good chunk of productive studio time, then I'd see a pile of clothes that needed folding, a dishwasher that needed to be emptied, toys to be picked up...you get the idea.
This has been one of the struggles that I have faced ever since I moved my studio into our home. It is so lovely to be able to run upstairs and jump into painting at a moments notice, but too often those moments are infringed upon by all of the obligations that call to me in my living space.
I have also been struggling to balance the business side of my art with the creative side, I know that all of us struggle with that. It is so exciting to have my hand in multiple pots, but then a few days this week were spent running around from a studio visit with an interested buyer, to replenishing the prints that had sold at Swallow (the gallery that carries my work here in Brooklyn), to sending prints for Etsy orders. I am not complaining about this abundance of opportunities to get my art out to the public, I only wish that my ability to successfully balance this part with my creative life would catch-up!
I was so inspired by this post over at Studio Enrouge yesterday. I felt a call to respond to Karla's ideas about this blogging world as an extended group studio space. I loved how she compared it to grad school, since I had a similar experience when I was at Parson's for my MFA. The studios there were like a rat maze of separate spaces, all opening upon a large common area where we would convene to talk and critique each other's work. I can't tell you how many times I'd walk into that space frustrated with a piece and walk back to my studio with a new direction or a fresh perspective.
Now when I have a creative block I go to your blogs, I visit your Etsy shops and websites, these are places that inspire me deeply and just like Karla says in her post....I would love to know more about process and working style of each artist that I know online. What a way to think of this community!
And so with that I'd like to extend an invitation to you, please, come into my studio. It's not very big anymore, but it's just the right size for what I'm working on these days. Don't be shy about sharing your mind. All ideas are welcome. All ideas are appreciated.
Come in.