In Shadow

One of the most exciting things for me about this pregnancy is that my cousin and his wife found out that they were also expecting their third child about 7 weeks after us!

We were all so thrilled as they are more like a brother and sister-in-law to us, and our families are really close. They already have a boy and a girl too, so when we found out that we are expecting a boy we all hoped that they would also have another boy.
She and I were in touch all the time through these past few months, chatting about all the details of being pregnant that often only another pregnant mama can understand, often we'd text back and forth multiple times a day. The bond that we shared being pregnant at the same time was so appreciated for me right now, so affirming and such a source of happiness.

We found out last Saturday that she was being rushed to the hospital with a severe infection. After hours of intense pain finally the doctors did an amnio and were able to discover that her placenta was infected, the amnio started her labor and she delivered a perfect little boy who was too young to survive outside of his mama's womb yet. They were able to hold, baptise and name him. She is lucky to be alive and needed multiple blood transfusions to recover.

Each detail of their experience brings me grief as it is honestly my worst pregnancy nightmare presented in stark reality. I've been in a place of shadow this week, through conversations with both of them I am trying to come to a place of understanding about what happened. The grief is deep, and on many levels...running a spectrum from the fact that their baby had no chance to experience this life, to just struggling with the fact that things like this happen at all.

When grief comes and I am in this shadowy place, meeting my fears as we all do, it is with surprise at times like this I see the sunshine in life with greater highlights. The beauty of each moment is undimmed and in fact shines brighter as I see each bit for the blessing that it truly is.
Just like a saying that I have in my head but I'm not sure where from...

The shadow proves the sunshine.

I've spent so much time worrying especially in the early stages of this pregnancy, and when confronted with the worst that can happen I feel myself stand up, lift up my chin and walk forward. We don't know what is ahead of us, everyday, but we can meet the future with confidence and embrace the beauty that is around us. That is the small thing that I can do.

I see the shadow.
And I will embrace the sunshine.

Happy Valentines Day!

::Celebrating the beauty and gifts of love of all kinds::

On Valentines Day we were invited to the most magical Valentine's Party, you must go see the pictures over on my friend Kirsten's blog. She whipped up some beautiful themed party decorations, the children exchanged valentines, made heart cookies and played dress up for hours while the moms talked and ate yummy homemade soup! Perfect!

Time and Distance

I've been working on a couple of new paintings with this idea in my mind of Time and Distance, the idea started when my brother left after our Thanksgiving visit, to return to his home across the sea in England. I was thinking about how undimmed our childhoods are to us when we are together, how time does not matter for us as we always pick up at the same spot with each other. I have other friends like that as well, and I'm sure you do to. Those are the special people, what ever you call them.....a soul sister, a true companion, a dear friend, a soul's mate (and not just the romantic kind)....these relationships are some how outside of time and place, they can be across great distances and still remain strong. These thoughts were swimming in my head as I made these,

Day and Night

Time and Distance

OK, I know that this is silly but, I guess that as I was seeing them with different eyes, I did not realize that they are so appropriate for Valentines Day (read: big hearts) until just last week! So, I figured it was a good time to add them to my shop, you can check them out here and here.

For Like Ever

Frank and I are celebrating 8 amazing years of marriage today!
While it feels like we've already known each other forever, there is also a part of me that still can't believe that our beautiful wedding was 8 whole years ago. Time is so mysterious like that.

I originally saw this poster on the September 2006 cover of Domino magazine (one of my all time favorite magazines, I was so sad when it folded!) I immediately fell in love and have longed for it since then, but for years it was sold out everywhere. It has recently been reissued and I finally found it here, and bought it as an anniversary gift for my wonderful husband, who helped me frame it and hang it up in our bedroom where it has been making me happy for the past week!

Frank, I love you and I'm looking forward to being together for like ever.

Little hands

Here, in my journal I traced their little hands. Then, I filled the outlines in with little circles in the colors that are their favorites...one such a boy, the other all girl.
I will need these little colored hands, you see, because I am going away for a few days. For the first time. Without my children.
Wow.
I feel very dramatic about it, but also thrilled. A long time ago I used to love to travel alone, but my wheels are rusty...won't that make it an even bigger adventure?! I am flying tomorrow to Los Angeles to visit a dear friend for 5 days where we will bike at the beach, watch the sunset, eat long brunches and generally laugh a lot.
While I'll be checking in here from over on the west coast, I wanted to leave you with a brand new painting that seemed to just happen while I was playing the other night in the studio...

Love Letters

These sweet little birds have been popping up in my most recent paintings and I am loving their energy.
OK, now I've got to run and go make some "love letters" of my own, for my little ones to open every morning that I am away...wish me luck!

Our Love

Our Love

Our love is....
a soul mirror,
life's sweet blossom,
my sun and moon,
a gentle touch,
a refining fire,
a soothing balm,
my thoughts echo,
a cleansing elixir,
resounding friendship,
the warmest embrace,
an honest reflection,
God's gift,
a deep gaze,
a joyful breath,
wild abandon,
a safe haven,
a counter balance,
a quenching well,
a quiet whisper,
my candle's light.

Frank and I, at dinner on my birthday last year.

This new painting, poem included, are dedicated to my amazing husband. I'm thinking that this one is perfect for Valentines Day, but really its for everyday. There are really never enough days to celebrate LOVE.

Prints of Our Love are now available here.

Right now....

I am loving,

the smell of pine, winter light, and the calm of days spent indoors together....

making holiday treats with little hands....

thinking of friends near and far as I write our Christmas cards...

the blooming bulbs at the center of our table, and lighting the advent candles every night as we sing Christmas songs at dinner.

Things are getting very Merry and Bright over here.

Surprises

The other evening, I was really tired and sort of stumbled into the bathroom to get ready for bed, it had been a long day. I looked at the mirror and much to my surprise saw this:

My heart melted at this amazing sweet and thoughtful note that my husband had left for me. It wasn't an anniversary or a special day, it was just because...and that made it even more touching.
That note pulled me right out of my head and smack back into my life, and it made my day.

Don't we all need more little reminders of the beauty that others see in us?